Where Are You: Kids, Blogging, and Discernment

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

-Lewis Carroll

The No-Routine, Routine

Our boys have a very specific routine in the morning. They wake their parents up before the 5:30AM alarm, take over our bed, demand milk, and proceed to sit on my head until I put on a movie.

Once Monica and I are up and moving K starts asking us the run down for the day. For the last year we have had to answer:

“Who are we going to see today?”

“Where are we going?”

“And then what?”

As long I don’t tell him that we are staying home all day, he’s happy. I never thought a three year old would be so excited to know that he was going to Costco.

As he’s gotten older he’s started to ask for an entire week’s worth of plans in advance. I’m flattered that he thinks I actually know what I’m doing three days out of any particular moment. Little does he know that I have no idea what he’s eating for breakfast.

Apparently, K isn’t the lone three year old inquisitor, as other parents have commiserated with me about their own little planners. I don’t blame K for asking all the time, because he was born into the Ortega Coaching mayhem.  I’m almost positive we left the hospital and drove right to a basketball tournament. Even now, with my coaching and youth ministry schedule, he’s always seeing new people, in a new gym, and has basically zero routine outside of our early morning movie and glass of milk.

As a new SAHD, I would love to know what to expect each day. I get easily overwhelmed with last second schedule changes, and I am no where near as adaptable as my three year.

10 Year Life Plan

My youth group has a lot of seniors this year. Therefore, I am getting a front row seat to the stressful college application process. I don’t envy them. I don’t miss the feeling that you need to know what you want to do for the rest of your life as you look at schools, pick majors, and day-dream about potential career tracks. When that was me I thought I knew what the next 10 years of my life would look like.

“If I get a degree in this, I could get a job doing this, and I can make this much money.”

Looking back, the only thing I had right is that I wasn’t going to make much money.  The whole application process was a whirlwind. I originally applied to schools hoping to major in Education. This was mostly a compromise between my parent’s hopes of my success in Law or Medicine, and my own interest of Philosophy and Theology.

It was nice having some sort of road map for what the next few years would look like, even if I wasn’t totally in love with the idea. Spoiler alert: I didn’t get any of the above mentioned degrees and, 10 years after applying for school, my life looks nothing like I had mapped it out.

Except for marrying the pretty, German girl. That went as planned. Thank God.

Where Are You?

Now that I’m in my final two laps of my twenties I’m starting to try to map out my thirties. I wish I’d consult God a little more on my plans. As a youth minister I’ve told countless teens that God has a plan for theirs lives. He has a plan for them to do great things, and I believe it when I say it. I believe the same is true for me and my life. But only recently have I tried asking God if what I’m doing is what He wants me to do.

Earlier this year, I found myself in a career that didn’t satisfy me, and I was struggling to juggle, family, friends, coaching, and ministry. I’d grown angry that God wasn’t blessing what I was doing. So in a desperate prayer I asked Him, angrily

“Where are You?”

And so He responded compassionately:

“Where are you?”

Those are the first word that God asks Adam in Genesis after he’d eaten from the tree.  And when I felt God asking me where I was,  I truthfully had no idea. I didn’t think I was hiding like Adam. But I wasn’t praying regularly and our relationship was distant. I was caught up trying to plan my life, make money, and not screw up my marriage.

I was busy.

Maybe I was hiding.

I realize now that I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going. I had based much of my career pursuits, coaching endeavors, and ministry aspirations on what I thought was best. I never asked God.

But asking God is scary, because He might answer. I was hiding because God can put things on our hearts that make absolutely no sense.

Like becoming a Stay-At-Home-Dad

and blogging

blogging makes no sense.

Dangerous Prayer

It’s dangerous to ask God what He wants from your life. I whole-heartily believe that is why some young men miss their call to the Priesthood, or why some young women miss their call to the religious life. Why many of us can be stuck in careers or situations that we hate, while our hearts burn to do something else, something more.

We need to be honest with ourselves, and with God, and ask what is His will for our lives.

In my experience, He doesn’t give you a full day or weeks worth of things He wants you to do. He gives you little bits at a time, with little consolations so you’re not going in completely blind.

At the moment, I know I am supposed to be home and I know I’m supposed to focus on my interior life. I know He will show me what is next as I strive to grow closer to Him.

Now the next time He asks me,

“Where are you?”

I’ll be ready and respond,

“Here I am, Speak Lord, your servant is listening.”