What We Did When Our Marriage Wasn't Working

Our marriage wasn’t working.

In 2016, we found ourselves married for three years, parents of two young boys, and quietly wondering what the future of our family would look like if we kept living the way we were.

But our marriage was STRUGGLING.  We fought a lot. And when we weren’t fighting, we were co-existing.  Something needed to change, but what? 

Catholic and Struggling

This season of marital turmoil was not a “before we knew Jesus” occurrence. This was all happening post-conversion, post-encounter, knowing well the tenants of our faith and the sacrament…we were fully invested in our faith at this point…yet God seemed so silent and content with letting us suffer.  

Renzo admits he was failing as a husband and father. He didn’t help me with the boys and my load became heavier and heavier at home. A colicky newborn, PPD, and a disengaged husband left me feeling helpless with nowhere to turn. 

My husband agrees that he participated in the maintenance and managing of our home as much as my toddler. In the moments that I begged for help he would always say, “Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” I grew more controlling, overbearing, restless, and resentful. 

Why didn’t he care enough? Why did it feel like I was parenting my spouse? 

We both knew things couldn’t continue like this much longer. So we begged God for an answer. And He provided one in the most unconventional ways: a work opportunity came up for me, and together, we decided to switch roles. 

Grace in the Shift

Renzo became a stay-at-home-dad and I returned to teaching.  

Little did we know…that decision made in desperation for personal gratification and some sense of harmony in our home sparked the beginning of healing for our relationship…but not at all in the manner that we expected.

Sometimes (most of the time) God allows the trying seasons of our lives to take place in order to bring us to an even greater place. From the outside, you would have never guessed that we were struggling. God could have easily let us live out the remainder of our married life in quiet discontent. But because He desires more from us, He allowed us to struggle in order to rebuild us even stronger. 

Renzo’s time at home allowed God to rebuild our family from the ground up, starting with rebuilding the father.

Here’s the article where you can read what Renzo learned during his time at home and how Grace affected change in our family through him. 

But for now, trust that God is still at work in the darkest moments in marriage. He is working for our good

Fiat. -Monica