Encouraging Vocations: My Stay-At-Home-Dad Point-of-View
It’s hard for me to always remember that my kids have a bigger purpose beyond driving me insane on a daily basis.
Lately, K’s pushing the limits of my love for him by openly defying ALL of the rules of the house, both the explicit and implied.
Put your shoes away after you take them off.
Don’t tackle the cats.
No throwing rocks.
Pee goes in the toilet.
On top of that, I think that JP purposely waits until we’re out the door to alert me that his diaper is full. I’d be upset, but his high pitched yell of “Boop!” makes me laugh every time.
G is the easiest out of the three. She is great. My daughter, and her chubby face are the best.
But her brothers may be evicted soon.
With the amount of “things” going on everyday I rarely get a chance to sit and enjoy my kids. I remember when I used to watch K as he napped. I’d stare at him with amazement, and wonder what great things God had planned for his little life. Those were simpler days.
We only had one kid.
Now I am constantly running around trying to either feed, dress, or bathe someone while the other two are loose in the house feeding the dog Pringles.
But on a rare occasion, when I get quiet moment, I still marvel. First, at the fact that God thought it fit for me to be their father, and second, that God made them with a purpose and has an amazing plan for their little lives.
#VocationAwarenessWeek
It’s vocation awareness this week for the Catholic Church in the U.S., and that means this is a time for us:
“[T]o promote vocations to the priesthood, diaconate and consecrated life through prayer and education, and to renew our prayers and support for those who are considering one of these particular vocations.” –NVAW
This made me reflect about what I am doing to prepare my children for their future vocation. This is also a very special subject in my life because of how I prepared for my own vocation. I didn’t always think I was going to get married. Throughout high school I considered becoming a priest.
The consideration was in large part due to the very awesome priests in my life growing up. Because of their example I thought of priests as accessible, human, and pretty funny.
One priest, who I thought was the epitome of what it meant to be a cool and holy man, was the Vocation’s Director of my Diocese when I was in high school. He never pushed me to join seminary, but encouraged me to ask God what He wanted for my life, and to not take anything off the table.
Because of him I seriously considered entering seminary.
Talking It Out
I was 16 years old and at a friend’s house when a huge storm hit. I wasn’t driving at the time, but the flash flood warnings and falling trees had my parents a bit on edge about coming to pick me up. My friend’s parents were understanding and offered that I spend the night.
That way everyone would be safe. No need to take any unnecessary chances. I was stoked. I probably should mention that my friend was a girl. And not just any girl.
A girl that I had quite a crush on. And, even though she had me nicely stored away in the friend zone, I was excited for the extra time we’d be spending together that evening.
Our late night conversation took a deep turn pretty quickly. But instead of revealing to her the part of my heart that wanted to date her, I revealed another part.
I thought God was calling me to be a priest.
I opened up to her about the desire to serve God, His Church, and to give my life to Him. Even though my behavior as a teen wasn’t reflective of this calling, I still admitted that God had put something on my heart that I couldn’t quite shake.
My friend was very gracious and understanding, and encouraged that I continue to seek whatever God wanted for me.
Since then I have always enjoyed the late night conversations I have with this friend. She supported me during my discernment and continues to support me as I discern the next steps in my life. She has always there to support and guide me through what He is calling me to.
I thank God everyday for my wife.
Laying The Foundation For Vocations
The preparation for all vocations (Priest, Religious, Single, Married) should look fairly similar in the early stages. All of them require an active personal prayer life, frequent reception of the Sacraments, and consistently asking God what He wants for our lives.
As a youth minister, I see how the pressures of college and future careers put and immense amount of pressure on teens very early. The pressure is so much that the prayers changes from:
“God, what do you want me to do?”
To
“God bless the path that I am choosing.”
I try my best to make give suggestions or give advice related to schools or majors. Most of the teens have way too many voices telling what to do already. My encouragement is to first seek God, and ask Him what He wants. I remind them that God made them with a purpose and that’s where they will find happiness and fulfillment.
I don’t mention priesthood or married life, but that’s where discernment begins, just being open to God’s Will.
Vocations Director
If it hadn’t been for this priest’s encouragement to seek God’s Will for my life, I’m not sure where I would have ended up. Yes, he was encouraging me to consider the priesthood, but his encouragement helped form me for my future marriage. I was better prepared to be a husband.
He directed my vocation by encouraging me to pray and serve God the best way I could in my current stage of life as a goofy 16 year old. He didn’t get me to enter seminary, but he ended up officiating my wedding seven years later. I’m pretty sure he’d consider that a win.
Reservations For Two
Now, as a parent, I’m not afraid that my kids may become priests or religious one day.
I’ve talked to many devoutly Catholic families who feared the priesthood for their sons. When I’d ask them about encouraging the priesthood they would respond that they didn’t encourage it, but that they didn’t discourage it either; they didn’t really know if they wanted their son to be a priest.
The reality is that our child’s vocation is God’s plan for their ultimate fulfillment and joy. We shouldn’t fear what God may have planned for them. Instead we should trust that God knows what’s best.
Even if we take this middle of the road disposition to priesthood, we should sill encourage them to seek God’s Will. The best way we can do this is by doing it ourselves.
Domestic Seminary
Regardless of what my children are being called to, I know that my job as their father is to adequately prepare them for that calling.
At this point, my kids are young and not ready to consider anything beyond bacon or sausage for breakfast. Reality is: kids don’t listen, they watch.
So in the last three months of being home I have been doing my best to encourage vocations in my little ones. Since the only tangible experience my kids will have of Christ’s love, at this point, is through the actions of others, I try to show them how “real” this love is.
I show them it’s real by how much I rely on it just to get through the day.
Christ isn’t a crutch when times are tough, Jesus is the source of all my strength.
I have not tried to teach my kids many prayers, but they have heard daddy say plenty on his knees in front of the tabernacle.
They’ve even heard prayers shouted at them. As my friend has said, “Good God get in the car!” is most definitely a prayer.
Nevertheless, they know I pray. I bring them to daily Mass, not for all the compliments from the Mass-going ladies, but because I need it.
I need Him.
And my kids will see that.
This is the example that St. John Paul’s father set as well.
Sometimes I would wake up during the night and find my father on his knees, just as I would always see him kneeling in the parish church. We never spoke about a vocation to the priesthood, but his example was in a way my first seminary, a kind of domestic seminary.” -St John Paul II
And with my example, maybe one of my kids will choose the priesthood or the religious life.
Or they might be something entirely different, like a Stay-at-Home-dad. Regardless, as along as they are seeking God’s will and not their own, I did my job.
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If you are looking for some sort of resource for a young man or young woman who is discerning what God is calling them to, I would highly recommend True North by Joel Stepanek. Joel presents a great guide to discernment.