Who are you, really?

There was a long stretch of time in our marriage and parenthood when we had lost ourselves. We felt restless, dissatisfied, and therefore, were constantly searching for the next thing that could be the solution to all of our problems.

What didn’t work

Well. Almost everything we tried.

Changing jobs, furthering our education, diving headfirst into hobbies, picking new hobbies because the other ones were unfulfilling, having more kids, working more, working less…

Truthfully, anything we tried to do to solve the unnamable problem we knew was slowly wrecking our family backfired.

Getting to the root of the problem

Until we switched roles. Actually, that wasn’t what helped. But it was so bass ackwards of what our plans had ever been for our lives, it was so surprising to the outside world, and it was so different from our norm that it shook us up enough to surrender.

Renzo became a stay-at-home dad. Monica went back to teaching.

And during that time, if you had asked Monica how things were going, she would have smiled and lied through her teeth claiming everything was great, she loved what she was doing, and she felt like being in the classroom was exactly where she was meant to be. (And, we suppose it was…in order for God’s plans to unfold)

Renzo, on the other hand, was struggling big time. He felt lost and confused. At least he was ready to start admitting it.

So he began to pray for answers, go to daily Mass, and read Saintly guidance. Which author led to which is irrelevant; he stumbled upon Be Healed by Dr. Bob Schuchts. In it, two major pieces that had been missing to this puzzle of a happy life: the root and fruit of woundedness and the true identity of a person.

Beginning to dig up the roots of our dysfunctional fruits instead of just symptom management of picking them off and throwing them away, hoping they’d never regrow was uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. But it was essential.

Who am I?!

Then came the deep realization of his identity. He was a beloved son of God the Father. He was a good and faithful brother to God the Son. He was a husband and he was a father.

Nothing he could do do would do, nothing he accomplished or failed, nothing he said or neglected would ever change that truth.

He belonged to God. He was intimately known and loved.

And that changed everything.

In denial

Being a big in denial that worth and identity was independent of action, Monica took a big longer to come around…thanks, codependency.

But through therapy, some more of God working through terrible experiences, and finally getting sick of bad fruit, she too, came to realize this fact. She was beloved. And that truth set her free.

She was a daughter, a sister, a bride, and a mother.

Desert to Paradise

This Lent, we’re going to remind ourselves of these unchanging identities.

Renzo will be reading Born of Fire, a daily Lenten devotional written by Father Innocent Montgomery, CFR and published by the Knights of Columbus. In it, the masculine identities will be described and men will be challenged to allow themselves to live and embrace them more wholeheartedly.

Monica will be re-reading Undone compiled by Carrie Scuchts Daunt. In a different format, but with the same mission, the women will be led through a series of stories detailing other women’s journey toward healing in their identities.

Each week, we will discuss the identities and what we have learned.

To listen to more on this topic: check out this episode of our podcast: How Healing Who We Are Changes How We Love