How Play Time, Boredom, and Time-outs Can Remind Your Kids That They Belong

What’s the most important part of being on a team? Playing!

As a family we try to make sure we make time for simply playing the game and loving it. As intense as life might get, we can never forget that at the root of it all, we must enjoy our family life. We must, quite literally, play together and often.

You Belong

Playing has so many benefits beyond just being “fun.” When we play we must, for at least a moment, be completely present in the current moment of play. We can’t think about the chores that aren’t done, the responsibilities that are being ignored, or the bills that need to be paid and play at the same time.

Though there are plenty of “adult” things that need to be addressed, modeling to our kids that there is always time for a wrestling match, dance party, movie night, and outdoor adventures can make a world of difference.

Playing allows for family members to be completely themselves without fear of being rejected. Dance parties can be silly and funny, we can choose whatever super power we want when play fighting, and we can imagine whatever destination and peril as we hike through the backyard.

Bad at the Electric slide? That’s ok!

You’re super power is super cold feet? That’s awesome!

We’re running away from dragons and man eating butterfly? Sweet!

No matter how odd, or eccentric the play may seem, allowing our team to be wholly themselves and letting them feel as though our team is a safe place to be themselves will build up a trust that we wont fully appreciate until they are older.

Instead of correcting the odd game for its poor realism and incoherent physics, we join in and play too! No matter what, on this team, you belong.

I’m Bored!

Sometimes the games come easy, and other times are creative juices just aren’t flowing. That’s when our kids inevitably come up to us and beg for entertainment of some sort. They tell us that they’re bored, and on Team Ortega that statement garners the same response every time - “Good!”

On our team we’ve chosen to frame boredom as an opportunity to be creative. If you’re bored, that’s your chance to create, invent, and imagine. Our kids aren’t always receptive to this idea, and would much rather have one of us start a new game, read them a story, or turn on some TV.

We refuse. Instead we direct them to the paper and colored pencils and say make me something, tell me a story with your drawings. We point out the legos and tell them to build us something, we point to a sibling and tell them to make up a game.

The Time Out

Before you think our days are full of sunshine and rainbows all the time, let us dispel that myth and let you know that our children do have meltdowns, misbehave, and have bad mood days. Oh, and to really make sure you have the full picture…we also have meltdowns, misbehave, and have bad mood days, too.

One way we calm a storm is by hugging. Our children know, regardless of how heated or tense a situation may be, we all pause for a hug when requested. This simple act is our team’s “time out”.

It’s our chance to regroup, calm our bodies and our emotions by stilling the sympathetic nervous system, and quieting the crowd.

This has helped diffuse countless tantrums, eased numerous parental overreactions, and mended many hurt feelings because it reconnects the team.

We also don’t use time-outs as punishment in the typical sense.

Sometimes, as a consequence for excitable behavior, we “take a break”. We remove our child from the situation that has them hyper-focused, give them a quiet, safe place to rest or wail, and let them know that we’re available to talk when they are calm and ready. (Imagine a player taking the bench after a hard foul.) There is no timeframe on this, and we’re never far from them to come and initiate reconciliation.

We’ve found this reframing gives our kids an opportunity to breathe and regroup before we dive into the correction that they/we were too worked up to handle a few moments earlier. It’s given them a chance to think about what happened and gather themselves enough to use words to communicate with us. (Often this is coupled with the “hug” tactic.)

Championship

All in all, we’re simply using the tools we’ve accumulated through our experiences coaching, teaching, and social working to try our best to form well-rounded kids who can play well with others and can one day make it to the end goal: Heaven.

Become what you are. -Renzo and Monica