Pre-Cana with Pope Benedict XVI
We have consistently used St. John Paul II’s writings and homilies about marriage and family to inspire much of our ministry. However, Pope Benedict XVI had very powerful and spiritually rich points on marriage that are worth sharing and contemplating!
The Theology of Marriage
“The theme of marriage, found in the Gospel and the first reading, deserves special attention. The message of the word of God may be summed up in the expression found in the Book of Genesis and taken up by Jesus himself: “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Gen 2:24; Mk 10:7-8). What does this word say to us today? It seems to me that it invites us to be more aware of a reality, already well known but not fully appreciated: that matrimony is a Gospel in itself, a Good News for the world of today, especially the dechristianized world.”
“The union of a man and a woman, their becoming “one flesh” in charity, in fruitful and indissoluble love, is a sign that speaks of God with a force and an eloquence which in our days has become greater because unfortunately, for various reasons, marriage, in precisely the oldest regions evangelized, is going through a profound crisis. And it is not by chance.”
“Marriage is linked to faith, but not in a general way. Marriage, as a union of faithful and indissoluble love, is based upon the grace that comes from the triune God, who in Christ loved us with a faithful love, even to the Cross.”
“Today we ought to grasp the full truth of this statement, in contrast to the painful reality of many marriages which, unhappily, end badly. There is a clear link between the crisis in faith and the crisis in marriage. And, as the Church has said and witnessed for a long time now, marriage is called to be not only an object but a subject of the new evangelization.”
Marriage is Forever
“My prayers go with you in this journey of engagement, and I hope that you will be able to build a family “for ever”, upon Gospel values. [...] from the nineteenth century onwards, there came the emancipation of the individual, personal freedom, and marriage was no longer based on the will of others, but on one’s own choice; first a couple would fall in love, then they would become engaged, and marriage would follow. At that time everyone was convinced that this was the only just model, and that love by itself would guarantee the “for ever”, because love is absolute, it wants everything, and thus it demands permanence: it is “for ever”. [...] Unfortunately, reality was not like that: we see that falling in love is a wonderful thing, but perhaps it does not always last for ever: it is a feeling which does not remain indefinitely. So it is clear that the progression from falling in love to engagement and then to marriage requires a number of decisions, interior experiences. As I said, this loving sentiment is a wonderful thing, but it has to be purified, it has to undergo a process of discernment, that is, reason and will have to come into it. Reason, sentiment and will have to come together. In the Rite of Marriage, the Church does not say: “Are you in love?” but “Do you wish?” “Have you decided?” In other words, falling in love has to become true love by involving the will and the reason in a deeper journey of purification which is the journey of engagement, such that the whole person, with all his or her faculties, with the discernment of reason and strength of will, says: “Yes, this is my life”.
Advice for Families Always on the Move
“It is a big question, and I think I understand this dilemma of reconciling the two priorities: the priority of the workplace is fundamental, and so is the priority of the family. How are we to reconcile them? I can only seek to offer a few suggestions. Firstly, there are businesses that allow something extra for families – birthdays, etc. – and they realize that to grant a little freedom ultimately brings benefits for the business too, because it strengthens people’s love for their work, for their workplace. So I would like to invite employers to think of the family, to think of helping to reconcile these two priorities. Secondly, it seems to me that a certain creativity has to be achieved, and this is not always easy. But at least, every day, try to offer some element of joy to the family, some attention, some sacrifice of one’s own will in order to be together as a family, to accept and overcome the dark moments, the trials of which we spoke earlier, and to think of the great good that the family is, and hence, in the determination to do something good every day, to find a way of reconciling the two priorities. And finally, there is Sunday, the day of celebration: I hope that Sunday is observed in America. Sunday, the Lord’s Day, seems to me to be of great importance, and as such it is also “our day”, because we are free. In the creation account, this was the Creator’s original intention: that on one day we should all be free. In this freedom for one another, for ourselves, we are free for God. And this is how I think we defend human freedom, by defending Sunday and feast-days as the Lord’s days and thus as our days. I wish you well! Thank you”