When Should Wives Submit? (Part 1)
Oh boy, what is it about that word that makes our nose scrunch and our eyes see red?
But the fact of the matter is, St. Paul directs wives to submit to their husbands in Ephesians 5:22. So we can’t ignore it, claim it no longer applies, or reinterpret its meaning if we really believe that Scripture is the written word of God.
What we can do, though, is make sure we are understanding context, pray for trust and understanding, and study Tradition and Church fathers for how this verse can and should be applied in our marriages.
Who are the Ephesians anyway?
When St. Paul addressed the Ephesians in chapter 5, it is important for us to know that he was writing to a faithful community of Christians. His entire letter is about clarifying what it means to live a Christian life and details the behaviors exhibited by those committed to that life.
He literally lists the vices that can tempt us away from Christ and virtues that overcome those temptations.
Before he ever tells husbands and wives what to do within a Christian marriage, he has already detailed what to do in the Christian life.
When St. Paul begins speaking directly to couples, he has already established a foundation of a moral code. Therefore, when he gives his challenge of leadership and submission, he is talking to men and women who are, first, committed to that morality in their personal lives.
Marriage is a delicate balance of leadership and service, of masculine and feminine perspectives, and of individuality and unity. One concept that often stirs debate and misunderstanding is the role of submission in marriage. In our recent podcast episode, we delve more into this seemingly contentious issue, challenging conventional beliefs and exploring a more nuanced interpretation based on this context.
What does it mean to lead?
If we are to better understand the idea of submission, we should first get a clearer picture of leadership. Who are wives supposed to submit to, anyways?
Christian husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, laying down His life for her (Eph 5:25). If he wants to know how to do that in his daily life, he can look to Christ’s leadership and notice that He led through service.
Virtuous men living the Christian life are prepared to serve his wife and family. He is a leader.
What does it mean to submit?
Before you get too carried away, remember that St. Paul first says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph 5:21). There is a call to mutual submission within the submission to the Christian life. Both spouses are called to a life of virtue.
The true essence of submission in marriage is not synonymous with weakness. Instead, it is about each partner uniting in their mission and striving to serve the other.
Submission is not passive; it is ACTIVE!
Jesus serves as a model for husbands, leading not merely through decision-making but through service. This calls for a reinterpretation of leadership as not just dictating terms but as providing guidance and support.
Wives, in trusting in their husband, follow his lead in this regard.
When does submission get dicey?
One critical aspect is the role of Natural Family Planning (NFP) and the complexities that arise when spouses disagree. It is critical for both partners to trust the leadership of the other in their marriage and the need to balance masculine and feminine perspectives. Open communication and understanding each other's viewpoints are crucial in navigating these disagreements.
The role of leadership and submission in marriage is a continual gut check of your motives. Am I asserting my leadership for selfish reasons? Then you are no longer actually leading in the true sense.
If couples disagree on avoiding pregnancy…why?
That’s not what St. Paul meant…
The podcast also explores how couples make decisions together and how to practice mutual submission in marriage. The danger of Ephesians 5:22 being implemented poorly is discussed, as it can be used to serve one's own pride. We analyze the implications of popularized examples of extreme situations and how they can lead to misusing this verse.
Let’s not over-romanticize the relationships of the 1950s and assume that’s what St. Paul was referencing centuries prior. We must carefully interpret and implement mutual submission in marriage according to our individual contexts. This open dialogue encourages couples to share their experiences and thoughts that contribute to a more comprehensive understanding of marriage dynamics.
Marriage is a journey of understanding, growth, and mutual respect. Understanding the role of submission and how it can be balanced with leadership and service is an essential part of this journey.