Why Doesn't My Spouse Understand Me?
“Why don’t you think like me?!” is a phrase we’ve either uttered, muttered, or internally whined about more than a few times.
Did you know that people process information differently? (Process = receiving input, organizing that information, drawing conclusions, and sharing those results)
The two main ways that people process: externally or internally.
External processors share as they go. They speak before they think. Internal processors are quiet while they consider. They think before they speak.
Breaking Down the Differences
External processors don’t always mean what they say because they say what they think before they’ve drawn conclusions. This can be helpful because it invites you into the steps they took to reach a decision, but it can also be difficult because you can assume they’ve made up their mind before they actually have or can take offense to some of their sorting.
Internal processors are quieter while they consider all of the angles to a situation before sharing their end results. This can be helpful because they often get right to the point, but it can also be difficult because it can seem like they’re not paying attention because they’re less responsive as information is given.
External processors can overwhelm an internal processor and an internal processor can irritate an external processor. What (probably took us far too long) we have realized is that we process differently.
In to win it
One strategy we’ve implemented is the external processor asking if now is a good time to discuss an idea/topic/problem, and the internal processor can respond whether or not they’re ready. If they’re not, they need to share a time they will be.
Another strategy we’ve learned is for the internal processor to let the external processor know that they listened, repeat a few key pieces of information, and let them know that they now need some time to think. Both have allowed for the processing to take place the way it’s done best while also respecting our differences.
Which are you: an internal or external processor?
Fiat - Monica
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