How to Set Healthy Boundaries and Honor Your Parents at the Same Time!
Ok, credit for how to practically apply these insights into your family relationships has to go to Dr. Matthew Breuninger. Dang, he’s got some good stuff to say!
Are boundaries the opposite of honoring?
Boundaries, essential for maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being, often become blurred within the complex fabric of family dynamics. Add in a layer of codependency, and navigating the emotions of creating a new family while also honoring your family of origin can be quite tricky.
Biblically, we’re called to honor our mother and father. As spouses, we’re also called to leave and cleave. How can you do both?!
For starters, we can assess what legacies we carry with us from our families of origin into our new marriages. Are we doing this willing? or accidentally? Are they serving us well? or are they a source of stress? Why did this tradition or behavior begin? is it still fruitful today?
Next, we need to acknowlege that, when two people get married, there are two sets of families of origin. It might very well be impossible to continue to practice all of the traditions of both sides. And that it is important to begin some of your own traditions, as well.
We honor our parents by appreciating the good that they have done for us, by continuing to will their good going forward, and by accepting that new traditions can be difficult for others to accept (that doesn’t mean they’re wrong!).
Boundaries are a way of shaping the new relationships and dynamics after a new family has formed and as that new family grows. It doesn’t dishonor the past to change and develop.
So how do we do this gracefully?
Clear is kind.
Beating around the bush, hoping others pick up on your hints, and ghosting others are a surefire way to cause conflict or harbor resentment.
Be clear in your expectations. Be clear in appreciating other’s freedom to agree or disagree. Be clear in the actions you plan to take. Be clear that you love the other while also sticking to the non-negotiables of your plan.